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Hello Friends:

I share the following thoughts in hope of saving friendships, strengthening spiritual character and adding to a balance of the universe we share in a state of civility.  We all deserve to be treated with respect and give the respect back we are treated with in kind.  If you do not know how, learn by example.  No one is to big to apologize, we all have misunderstandings, many of us speak before we listen, and assume then rush to anger rather than clarify what is the truth of a situation and resolve it with reason.  It is our collective responsibility to maintain civility and mutuality through our actions and fair, treatment of each other.  Raised voices only raise tempers, raised intellect and sense of accountability raises the level of appreciation for good friends who will always be there for you because of your acquired reputation of reasonable negotiation, fairness and reliability.    

In case the definition and meaning of a false sense of entitlement is unclear, you feel your want, needs and demands supercede anyone's else's no matter what the circumstances, appropriateness, reasoning and sensibility. This subject is of great interest and discussion because I am a big giver, and angel to those in apparent need, but I am not a fool, nor gullible, but none of us are too old to learn something new, or to be tricked, conned or put in an awkward position by no actions of our own. We as life long learners, givers, and takers. As have to set boundaries for those around us in order to not bear disappointment or resentment when those given to come back to ask, and ask before they even consider it may be nice to give back before asking again.  Even more imposing is the nnice taker who was in need who returns to take by verbal abuse, bullying or tantrum. We all love to be first all the time, not wait a moment for what we want, be served instead of the serving but the universe requires a balance to function properly. Give-take, for every time there is a season and so forth. One of the most misunderstood areas of unconsciously or consciously imposing is borrowing anything, but especially money. I think many people who borrow initially have innocent motives to borrow and return what they borrow. What is misunderstood is there are moral and legal implications and responsibilities that go along with borrowing. First morally, you have someone else’s belongings and it is nice, in good condition, and you wanted it to be yours temporarily, to use, wear, sport for a temporary time and by right of trust and loyalty you should return it as you received it. Clothes should be properly laundered before return; cars should have gas put in the tank before you return it. Now let’s talk legally, the term is bailment, you have a legal obligation to take good, reasonable care as if it were your own, and return it as you received it absent reasonable wear and tear. If you damage, destroy or lose what you borrow you owe them the value of what you borrowed. It amazes me how many people destroy others belongings then want to tell the owner how it was not worth anything adding insult to injury, and lacking in character. If you cannot pay for what you borrow if there is an accident, mishap maybe you should not borrow. Do not expect pity, or assume the right to de value it verbally in order to get out of paying for the worth of what you destroyed, that makes you an imposer taking advantage of someone who trusted you. Borrowing money from someone when you are desperate is a state (you have to have the money or something bad will happen) of friend based imposing where somehow right after the desperation has passed the borrower seems to think they do not owe anymore for basically any reason they can come up with. I recommend a promissory note, the closer the friendship or relationship the more necessary the simple contract, an offer-the-acceptance which equals a meeting of the minds. Oral does not every override written, but oral contract is binding also, if an oral contract and a different written exist simultaneously, the written wins every time. Write a short paragrapgh, state the terms of repayment, $50.00 a month for so many months and en with two signatures, your and the borrowers, and a witness if possible, but that is not absolutely necessary, although it serves as a third party witness to the contract.  So you are flush with a friends money, and happy the problem is solved for you, but in reality you have passed it to a friend.  That why so many people who borrow large amounts lose a friend over it.  Now you have needed money, found someone who is kind enough to loan you their money but what have they sacrificed out of their life, kids mouth, bills for you? Ask yourself that before you get an attitude when they are forced to call and ask why you have'nt paid them back, they need it back. Because in this economy no one is giving away money unless they just hit the lottery. So if you negotiate by turning a favor into a con, trick, or believing the magical space between your legs equals the right to take. lie by omission and get under false pretenses or start an argument, bring up old matters of money exchange, bring up "after all I've done for you", in order to have a loan transferred into a gift on the takers say so or forgotten makes you a nasty or nice imposer-user, because we all have bills, and responsibilities to meet, and every thirty days waits for no man or woman who owes bills. I've never bailed anyone out but I do not recommend it, those in by right or wrong, calling snotting, crying, promising, I will pay you as soon as I get out, or as soon as my income tax check comes, seem the most ungrateful, and amnesia ridden, and plagued with another accompanying need followed by request before they can pay back the latter monies due many times. My other favorite imposing ungrateful, thoughtless lines of excuse is I had my bills to pay! Huh? So unless you can lose you home or car used for collateral, are flush with cash, have no other choice in your mind and accept you will pay big time if they do not, save yourself, be honest and decline. You may possibly lose a friend, because if they do not accept "I would if I could but, no I cannot afford it", which any person has the right to say and have it accepted, you will do yourself a favor to find a better quality of friend. We all deserve to be spoken to with respect and consideration and Takers who are worthy and intend to pay back speak up if you cannot pay, but pay something, per month, keep a record of the payments and call and say thank you for putting yourself out of pocket, taking money from your needs and home to help e and remember that is why you owe someone back. They do not owe you taker, you only stay maintain civility by repaying what you owe in a timely manner, or communicating with calm and gratitude. The lowest is to start that oh I do not like the tone in your voice, or I am being harassed by the person you owe asking for the money, pay and they will not call and ask, speak up and let them know where they stand and they will not call you with a tone in their voice. Taker you hear bitterness, givers hear why can't my good friend I helped out in their time of need give my money back without me chasing, calling, and pleading for it? We can treat each other better by checking our own sense of humanity and reason before someone else does.  Written from my own experiences, knowledge of life and being a giver and a nice taker who has always paid back what I borrowed.  Treat evryone you know starting with yourself with a little bit more respect today.

Especially Les,